One of the many things that I love doing is writing. I used to call them poetry, but as years go by, I started becoming insecure about my writing because it did not sound like the other type of poetry. I have so many journals with different thoughts and experiences that have never been heard by anyone. One of my favorites is called "Are You Okay?". I wrote this on June 9, 2019. I am not sure what I was going through, but whatever it was, it kept a stamp on my heart.
In many of my experiences, I have felt discouraged a lot throughout my life. I had many ups and downs but sometimes refuse to keep my head down. With the writing, "Are you okay?" I remember going through certain things, and everyone would come and ask, "Are you okay?". Many times I wanted to cry in that person's arm and tell them that I was not, but not everyone will see it through your eyes. Everyone goes through their hurdles in life, and each chapter may get a little complicated. I had to learn that many times people will look down at my hurdles and see it as pre-mature, but in reality, it was my hurdle. It was my fall that was hard for me to handle. I had a mentor that used to tell me that sometimes it's better to go straight to God because he is the only one that will truly understand. So many times, we go through things and fight to get validation from people or even an understanding of what is going on in our life. Those same people that come to us with an open ear might sometime start comparing your battle with theirs and look down at you, making it seem like you are doing the most. For me expressing myself to someone and letting them in is not for them to judge me but to be there and help encourage me.
"Are You okay?" is a question that everyone tends to ask when they see you are going through it, but not everyone's intentions are pure. In that period, I had the opportunity to realize that a lot of my battles were meant to be fought in silence.
June 9, 2019
"Are You Okay?"
Are you Okay? It is a question that is being asked while tears are bleeding through your eyes. Are you Okay? It is an item that is being asked when your soul is breaking into a million pieces. Are you okay? It is a question that you want to say yes, too desperately but know that it is a lie ripping through your shaking lips.
Are you Okay? Steph, are you okay? Looking up into their eyes and without a beat answering yes while walking away, praying that soon it will be the truth. You are walking away with a shattered soul, wondering all the things that have gone wrong in the last few years. Re-thinking the life you were living is a life of lies and false hope, patiently realizing that the happiness you thought existed was based on a friendship that will never last. Based on false self-destruction that you call sex. Feening to be held without being pounded. Feening to be loved for the nakedness of the soul but not the nakedness of the body. Wanting so much more out of life but realizing that you have let your mind wander to a place that may never exist.
Are you Okay? Steph, are you okay? That is a question being asked with a lie being answered but the soul-shattering with the truth. Are you okay? Is an item that is being asked refusing to accept the fact. Are You Okay? Is the question that they tell themselves that they asked when it was too late. Are you okay? Is the problem that frees their mind from the guilt of not pushing too hard. Are you okay?
Are you okay? Is the question that I cannot stand to hear through my fragile eardrum. Are you okay? It is a problem that I refuse to accept the truth too. Stop, Stop the question. Stop the misunderstanding. Stop the in-accurate cares that you want to give. Please stop asking if you are okay because every time you ask me that you make me re-think everything, you make me realize my past and the present. You make me realize that no, I am not okay, but eventually, I will be. In the meantime, I will keep lying to you and tell you yes so that I don't have to speak about everything I am going through. So Steph, Are you okay? With a broken heart, negative thought that won't stop, broken spirit, fragile heart, an aching pain that refuses to quit. I answer yes, I am okay walking away with tears rolling down my face knowing that I just lied, but it won't matter anyway because some demons are meant to fight alone. Are you okay?
Question: Please answer in the comments
What are some tips to ask a friend if they are okay without using that question?
What are some ways for you to be there for a friend without overstepping your boundaries?
This speaks volume, of what a lot of people go through. Most can’t find the correct word to express their feelings, but I think you’ve accomplished that in this post. Big eye opener on how one question can effect one's mental state.
ReplyDeleteWhat are some tips to ask a friend if they are okay without using that question? By listening to them speak.
What are some ways for you to be there for a friend without overstepping your boundaries?
You can only those who are willing to accept help.
Great post. Sometimes good intentions can lead to unintended results/impact.
ReplyDeleteIf I'm not around the person, I usually go for a "hey haven't heard from you in a while, how are doing or holding up", "how's adulting?".
If you can see something is visibly wrong, you simply say "wanna talk about it?" Or let's talk about it.
You can be there by listening withi it interrupting, ask if it's ok to ask a certain question before asking it, be ok with a no response.
You can be there by sharing a Bible verse or inspirational quote or message.
I felt this on a whole different level, an understanding level. My exact feeling for some time now. Even though I go through some hard times with these demons constantly battling with me I always tell a friend that I am here if they ever need someone to talk to. I leave it up to them to decide if they want to talk about it or not. I feel that by asking continuously “Are you ok” brings me down even more and makes me think less of myself. I completely felt this blog!
ReplyDelete