The cards dealt from the dealer

 Dear Vee, 

      It is officially 2021, and the year have been entertaining so far. 2020, had its ups and downs, and I am grateful for everything that happened. I have been struggling with typing these last few weeks, and I think it is time to get back in the groove. One day I will be able to sit you down and hug you next to the bonfire and tell you the story of how you became my whole world. I honestly do not know how I would have the strength to make it through this past year without having you right next to me. In the beginning, the fear of giving birth to you scared me. I did not know how I would be able to take care of you, how I would be able to cherish you and provide you with a life that I only can imagine. 2020, may have been one of the most transparent years of my life, and I was able to see things with the 2020 vision that I needed. The world was crashing around me. People were crying, people were struggling, and many people did not make it to see 2021. 2020, gave me the reality that I never thought I needed, and that was you. With every cry and every laugh, you give me hope that dancing in the storm is the best way to get past it no matter how bad things may look. Darling, your mom, has been feeling like she is in a storm for a while now. I have been praying for the storm to end to see the rainbow, but the rain keeps coming harder. I have been sitting just waiting for it to past, but I am starting to think that maybe am dealing with the storm the wrong way. 

    While crying in a dark room, thinking you were asleep right next to me, you touched my face with your little hands and moved your face close to mines. You lifted your head and moved closer to me, letting me know that you were awake. Even though the room was dark, I hurried up and wiped my tears away, but it was already too late. You felt the tears that were burning my cheeks. You felt the sadness in your mom's heart, and immediately you reacted by smiling up at me. I tried to move my hands, but your little hands took one of my fingers and held it. You kept it and laughed with your beautiful smile and your inspirational touch. Vee that night was the night I realized that the dealer dealt the cards a long time ago and my focus was not on playing but trying to find out what everyone else's next move was. I wanted the storm to end, and I wanted to finish playing the game, but the dealer kept telling me to pick up four, pick up two, pick up four again. I just wanted to scream UNO out, but the skip card came, the draw four appeared and when I thought I had one more card left to finish the game my hands became pack again. I keep thinking why did I start playing in the first place. Why did I not sit this one out and I realized that just like you did not choose to be here, I did not either, but the dealer has already dealt the cards the day we were born. I have a hard time understanding the cards in my deck, but like you keep pushing to make your milestones to scream UNO out one day, I have to keep playing. On November 1, 1992, the dealer dealt me my cards, and since then I have been playing with the cards that are in my hands so no matter how hard to the game keeps getting I have to keep playing until the day I can look up at you and say baby your mom played and can finally say UNO out. 

    On June 23, 2020, I acknowledged my Ace in my deck of cards. That is also when the dealer dealt your cards to you. Making two imperfect people meet to create the next player in the game. Once the cards were dealt to you, my baby girl, it was your choice to keep playing. While in my belly you had a chance to refuse the cards but you wiggled your way out. When you were born so many things could have happened, but you fought to be here, and now that you made it to 6 months you are laughing through the game you were dealt with. You noticed the imperfect in me, but just like a High School little girl saying hi to her crush for the first time you looked up at me and smiled letting me know mommy, the dealer dealt to me for a reason, and we will keep playing together. In the storm, the two of us laughing and playing, knowing that it does not matter how bad the storm is, we will smile through it together. People may leave us and laugh at us, but at the end of the night, we lay next to each other holding each other tight knowing that we will continue playing until we have won the game. 

    Eventually, you will understand the card game concept that I am talking about. Vee, I want you to know that it does not matter what card the dealer dealt you with, play the game with your head held high. Calculate your every move and just because someone made you draw or someone made you pick extra cards does not mean its the end of the game. It only means that your real purpose in the game is not ready for you to win yet. With every card that you hold in your hands cherish it and know that it does not matter how bad the card may look or how much you may have in your hands, those same cards will be the ones that take you to the end of the game. The two people who created you will never be perfect, and sometimes they do not stay to help teach you the game, but there's always someone there to guide you and explain to you the rules as the game continues. I promise to help guide you as long as I can with the cards that were dealt to you because just like me we did not choose the cards, but we can always choose how we play in order to prove to the dealer that we have won the game. We will continue playing in the storm smiling and laughing because the dealer has already dealt the cards.