Dangerously in Love

 Dear Vee, 

It's been a while since I have posted on here. It's been a crazy year for me and you. We have accomplished so much, but we stumbled a lot through the process. I want to start by saying it is a new year. We have finally entered the year 2022. I honestly do not have any plans for this year. Last year I was so hopeful and determined to do so much, but in reality, everything I was determined to do was interrupted by fear and regret. The year 2021 was a good and a bad year for me. I can tell you right now that you had a great year. You turned one, and we had a great birthday for you. Viliana, you have a lot of people who love you and cant wait to see you grow into a beautiful woman. You surprise me every day, and I am amazed by your growth. As the new year comes in, I want to suggest something. Every year in January, I sit and make all these goals and create a timeline of completing them. Every year that goes by, I cannot accomplish them. I get saddened by the situation because I am so hopeful for a new year and new goals. This year, I decided to sit down and reevaluate my dreams and mindset when I decided to accomplish them. I prayed and asked God for clarity on what I was doing wrong. 

As 2022 began, I realized that I get a vision of what may happen through the year. I get super excited and write goals, planners, and timelines, not ever identifying the timeline and the amount of work it will take to complete it. When we get to the middle of the year, I get all disappointed and start doubting the vision that God had given me at the beginning of the year. My insecurities, fear, and self-doubt start overwhelming while God screams for my attention. Letting all the wrong things take my attention, I pushed back on my goals and decided to sit through a period of depression. I will spend a few weeks sitting in my sorrow, trying to figure out what am I doing wrong and how I can change it around. I started doubting the vision that God had given me and let this overwhelming fear take over the promise that I had received at the beginning of the year. When the year ends, I sit and write the same goals and vision again, cheerful and ready to start the year. 

This year I refused to go through the same obstacles with no change. So this year, instead of saying Happy New Year, I am praying for a True year. A year where I can step out of the fears that keep taking me away from my vision, the insecurities pushing me from the beauty God has in the vision that he has given me, and the self-doubt that keeps lying to me about what I can and cannot accomplish. Every year that I let these things take over my mind and soul, I am pushing the true victory of my vision. This year instead of doing the same thing by doing a vision board and writing my vision down, I am writing down the work that I need to put in everyday and adding more of the word of God and less of the words in my head that keeps pushing me away from my true destiny. I am not standing still and let depression fill my mind and soul this year. I want to walk a path where I can trust God's plan and continue to push through with the vision he has set forth for me. 

Everything I touch and put my mind doing, I promise to fall dangerously in love with it. I want to love everything I do, so when disappointment comes because it will come, I can keep moving with the love and passion that I have for life. I stare at you every day, praying that I am doing this thing called being a mother right. Some days I feel like I am genuinely failing because you might be too spoiled or not teaching you the right things. But, there are days that you cry and are sick, and you give me so much comfort that you are willing to come to your mom in your time of fear. I grew up getting so much beaten and disconnected that my mom was the last person I ever wanted to go to when I was hurting. I don't ever want you to fear me or be scared to show your emotions with me. I want you to know that you can always be vulnerable with me because you will be hurting one day, and I don't ever want to be the last person you think of calling. I want to be that number on speed dial. I am dangerously in love with you, Vee and like I push through with the fear of raising you wrong, and I am pushing through with accomplishing what God has in store for me. I am determined to be dangerously in love with my goals, intentions, and everything I put my mind to doing. No matter how dark things got last year, I could still see the light at the end of the tunnel, and even with tears in my eyes, you gave me hope, so let us keep moving this year with love and passion. 

Being dangerously in love with a person or in a task will push you to accomplish it no matter what. This year my goal is only to fall dangerously in love with the vision I have received and everything set to come my way. I want to push through and not let depression and self-doubt take over whatever God has for me this year. So no matter how dark things may get or how bright things may get, I want to push through and know that I am dangerously in love with my life, my daughter, and my goals. Love everything you do and let passion direct you to your true destiny.